I am not a leader

I am not a leader. I am a planner, I can execute tasks and make a great list but I am not a leader.

Leading takes a special kind of person, they need to be confident in their decisions and not let the critics and complainers get to them.  Leaders need to be able to juggle many tasks and be able to step up and do the dirty work when no else will. Leading takes a special kind of person.  Being put into a leadership position has told me that I am not that kind of special person.

The more I find myself in these leadership positions they more unhappy I have become. I want to be behind the scenes making things happen, not dealing with politics or for that matter people in general.

We are always growing and adapting to our surroundings. I have found that I like being the follower as opposed to the leader. I love to plan and have my own piece of the puzzle but I don’t want all the pieces. I can’t seem to work cohesively with all the pieces and trying to fit certain pieces together has caused friction and loss.

I don’t need power to feel important, I don’t need a title. What I do need is a sense of accomplishment and the feeling that I made someone feel loved or happy and that I made some difference.

I know now that I am not a leader and I am ok with that. I can see more clearly where my strengths shine.  As the Carol King song states “Where you lead I will follow”. Yes, I will follow and I will be a damn good follower.



May adventures

May comes to a close and summer is in the air. Here are a few highlights of my month.

I listened to

final girlsmhc

  • Final Girls – great thriller! Will keep you guessing until the end.
  • All Dressed in White by Mary Higgins Clark – this was one of better books in her Under Suspicion series.
  • The Sleeping Beauty Killer by Mary Higgins Clark
  • Two Little Girls in Blue by Mary Higgins Clark- This as a little blah. It was hard to believe the twins in this story at such heightened twin telepathy. I would leave this one on the shelf.
  • Sweetbitter- I read this because it is being made into a TV mini series on Starz, and if you watch Hulu you see the commercial every 15 minutes. I was not a fan, I found it pretty dull  and a little to girl is enthralled with the wrong type of boy and whines about it constantly.
  • You Think it, I’ll Say It by Curtis Sittenfeld – This was a collection of short stories by the author. I generally like her work, there were a few stories I could have done without but overall a fun easy listen.

I read:


  • I’m Judging You by Luvvie Ajayi – meh. It’s supposed to be comedic but the author uses this book to stand on her soapbox ALOT. I did agree with a few things but it left me feeling bored.
  • I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid-  Jake recommends this book to me.  He really liked it, I was annoyed when I finished it. The story leaves you up in the air about who the narrator the whole time until you get to end.
  • He Said/ She Said by Erin Kelly – I went through cycles of really liking this book, to not liking it and then back to liking it. It has alot twists and turns and just when you decide you are mad at one character you change your tone and feel sorry for them. In the end I would recommend it.
  • The Marriage Pact by M.J. Pullen – I really liked this one and it’s the first in a series by this author.  It’s a great summer read, easy story line and a happy ending.

I saved a few lives
When you have great veins and their is a blood drive in your area you roll up your sleeve.


I said goodbye to a beloved aunt
Death sucks and even more so when it is unexpected. It’s another reminder to this planner brain of mine that life is gonna throw you some curves. I am blessed that I am a part of a family that will come together and offer support where it is needed.

I ran:
Big River Pub Run Series.  Beer + Running = Erin is there!

pub run

With an empty stroller almost 4 miles – my brother and his family moved to a house right off my normal running route. I took advantage of the opportunity to return their stroller and get my steps in all at the same time. I did get a few weird looks running with empty stroller!


Bye Bye May onto June! Time to really work on that summer bucket list.


Summer Bucket List

According to my news feed summer vacation is in full swing (mainly for teachers and kiddos). While I don’t get a summer vacation I still plan to enjoy every second of the summer! Nothing says fun to me like a list! Here are the top 10 things I have on my summer bucket list. I would love to hear what’s on yours!

  1. Ride a lime bike
  2. Picnic with an actual picnic basket in a park
  3. See a show or two at the Muny – Top on my list are  Jerome Robbins Broadway, Singing in the Rain and Meet Me in St. Louis
  4. Stand up paddle boarding – either at Creve Coeur Lake or Forest Park boathouse
  5. Trike
  6. Finish Coca- a cola book – this is the complete history of  the Coke empire. It’s interesting but it’s also loooong.
  7. Between Memorial Day and Labor day run 100 miles
  8. Update our back patio.
  9. Take a deep dive into my family history (this is ongoing project but I really need to start it!)
  10. Try a float tank

Stay Tuned to see how many I can check off!